Learning to live together

When you and your partner move in together you will notice there are a number of fantastic benefits. Some obvious benefits include not having to drive home at night after dropping your partner home, sharing a morning cup of tea together, or pyjama/naked days. However, when learning to live with your partner for the first time there are also a number of things you may need to learn or get used to. Some of these are easy while others will take time. Here is a list of 8 things you or your partner will need to learn.

* Generalisations are used throughout this post and it should be noted that, while every person and relationship is different, not all suggestions will suit all people.

8. Girls - Being a wife, and

7. Guys - Being a husband

The first step to learning to live together as a married unit is to discover your role in the relationship. We're not suggesting the wife in the kitchen and the husband in office. We're talking about what the two of you have discussed together will work best for your relationship given your personalities and lines of work. Of course by now you will already know your partner quite well, but there is still more you are yet to learn as you spend the rest of your lives together. In our relationship for example there are a few role reversals which we had to identify and work though. The key to this step (or steps since this is two points together) though is that your focus should primarily be on your partner and your family first, the rest (which is you) will follow.

If you are interested in reading our related post on this topic, see Happy wife, happy life.

6. Girls - His emotions

Throughout your relationship you may have had difficulty getting or feeling emotion from your now husband, but you managed to see a gimps of that raw side of him, and in those moments you felt like you knew him. The problem is you still have to struggle to get those emotions out of him. This is because guys teach themselves from the moment they start getting pimples that to have control of their emotion is to be a reliable and consistent man, boyfriend and husband. It allows them to make rational decisions in the stressful and emotional times reliably. It takes effort for him to find and expose those emotions to you. With time, your support, and your encouragement (note: different to nagging) he will learn to know when it is okay to allow and show some emotion at the right times.

5. Guys - Her emotions

Your wife loves sharing her emotions with you, which can often be strange and sometimes inconceivable to you. They will react differently to the same question from one day to the other. You should be able to almost anticipate this by now. With time you will learn to be more sensitive to her mood (see point 3) allowing you to respond accordingly. They LOVE it, however, when you reciprocate, which can be strange and hard at times but is absolutely worth it. This requires you to, 1. understand (to the best of your ability) her emotions, 2. respond with true emotion with her and 3, help her to work through her emotions. These three steps will take time for you to learn, just as step 3 will also take time for her.

4. Girls - His habits

We are sure that by now you have come to a realisation that his habits are very different to your own. His ability to leave his clothes on the floor, even if they are clean, is only one of the habits that you might discover when living with your husband, however it's these habits you'll learn to live with or even adopt. As time goes on, habits will change and as a couple your daily life routines will result in the establishment of new habits but of the habits that the both of you brought into the marriage some will stay, some will change and others will remain. Learning to be comfortable with your partner's habits is simply a learning curve to any marriage and should be a "fun" part of getting to know each other. 

3. Guys - Her cycle

As you should already be aware, your wife has a monthly cycle which has an effect on her physically (causing her discomfort or pain) and emotionally. Leading up to [whatever nickname your wife has given her period], you will need to learn and recognise the indicators which give you a heads up that both of you are about to have a slightly more challenging few days. Get used to it because it is going to keep happening for many more years.

Additionally on this topic, you are going to need to get more comfortable with the whole thing than you may have thought. This may include but is not limited to, purchasing feminine hygiene products, discussing the flow, or stressing about a late period. Put simply, it is a part of her life which means it is now a part of your life now; look after her.

2. Both - Sleeping next to

For all of your life up to this point you had slept in your own bed, by yourself. The whole mattress was yours and all of the covers were yours. So it is no surprise that sleeping in the same bed as your partner, while is an amazing thing, is also a difficult thing to learn or prepare for. It is something which, for most, takes months but could take years to adjust to. There will be many nights of shallow sleep because you continue to wake up cold without covers, or cramped on your "side" of the bed. Remain positive that with time, the two of you will get better through communication and simply learning how to adjust. The former may or may not help, but it is better to be open with your partner so that they can be able to correct it themselves if they rouse during the night. The latter may require you to learn techniques to defend, hold on to your own, or simply preparing before falling asleep. Don't get angry or frustrated with your partner because they are not doing it on purpose. Simply enjoy the benefits for now, and keep learning. 

1. Both - Sex

Sex is something you will need to learn, especially for those who waited to share their V card with their spouse. For some it may be easy, for others it may be much more difficult to be enjoyable for both parties (most typically the girls). It is pretty normal to not be able to do it properly for a good couple of weeks after getting married. Despite that let us give you some advice: don't try for the big performance, the double/dual O or even multi-positions early in your marriage because you have the rest of your lives to practice and enjoy those tricks. For now, take things slow by learning and enjoying the basics because they are what you will need in your marriage when you both wake up in the mood one morning just looking for that intimate release.

We hope these tips have been eye opening and helpful. Please comment or message us if you have any tips you would like to share in future posts, or have any questions you would like asked.

TL;DR - Look after your partner first, he has emotions but has taught himself to control them, she has emotions which she can find difficult to control, habits change, she has a cycle which makes her even more emotional, it takes time to learn to sleep next to each other, and sex should be something enjoyed not mastered and may be difficult at first.

-Mr & Mrs